Happy 3 months flying

Today you would have been three months old. I could write a long list of what we would of been doing, but here I sit alone just wondering. I thank God every day for the bittersweet time we had. I would have been lost with out knowing you, and I am lost with out you. I promise I am moving forward, each day is less debilitating. There are less why Me's , and more peaceful memories. I feel like I am trapped in this weird time capsule. I feel like I have accomplished so much, in these short 3 months. If I really wanted to be honest with my self I am shocked. Am I moving on forgetting, or am I just adjusting?? Sometimes I transport myself back in memories.. I can feel you move, or kick.. even respond to your brother voice.. then reality comes crashing back to  hit me in he face. Earth is not my eternal home.. I will see you one day.. hopefully not too soon. Till then know you have 1/2 my heart while the other half is here with your brother. I love you Maggie xoxo

Been awhile!

Good morning everyone!!! It has been a long time since I have posted.. We got a different Internet carrier, and I have just been living life. Maggie will be three months flying tomorrow. It seems like an eternity since I last held her in my arms. I keep trying to move forward in life ,but major personal issues keep bringing me down. Also, it feels very lonely after the cloud of excitement dust has cleared away. People stop calling, or stop coming around. Maybe its my fault. I have tried to put my best face on because I don't want to live in a state of horrible depression. That does not mean I am all better, and do not need friends because I do.
           I LOVE getting emails from people that are going through the same situation as me, and Maggie.. SO, you out there,  need an ear ,or have questions for me please email me: Haydensmom1008@yahoo.com . Know that you are not alone :)

I deactivated my facebook account. If you want to know what is going on with my life please check my blog, or by all mean PICK UP THE PHONE, or stop on by!!!

Maggie Bear has made it home!

Maggie Bear came!! She is beautiful! When the post man put the box in my arms I knew it was her. I said God is this heavy.. then it hit me like a ton of bricks. The reality of it set it.. the "weight" of it. I ran to the kitchen cut the box open, held the bear, and sobbed. I called Hayden , and told him that Maggie Bear had came. He was squealing with delight, and so excited hold her. I drove across town to pick him up, and his reaction was so cute.. He said WHOA she is heabby. He was so happy. I can't wait to see what Don reaction to her will be. I sat in the chair, and put her on my chest one of the regrets that I had from the hospital, and I could feel the sadness melt away. :)

A little Rant!

I have not held anything back on my blog.. These are my true feelings, true language, this is what I need to survive other horrible thing in me life... if you can not handle it do not read it. Stop going to your mother asking her to tell me to watch what I put on FB, and my blog. I do not care if you do not like it, or if you think that it makes me look trashy. This is me! If you wanted a say in how I was raised them you should have stuck around regardless of what/whom you thought was in your way. Now that I am 26 you do not get a say. When I have needed you the most you where no were to be found! If me, or my language that I use bothers/embarrass you then you do not have to read it or come around me! * End Rant*

Dear Maggie

Dear Maggie,
Lord, How I miss you tonight. It feels like someone ripped the band aide off a fresh wound. Sometimes it all does not seem really, then I come crashing back down to reality. Hayden has been asking about you a lot lately.. he misses you so much.., and still loves you with such a pure heart. I can't wait to meet you again. Till then I will wait because I am alive even though you who was apart of me has died. I feel bad because I have not been out for our Thursday chats, it does not mean that I love you less.. it just hurts less to live for Thursdays. I know you understand... It hurts to breath tonight. I have never wanted anything more ,but to be able to change your outcome.. I was not able to, and some days I feel like I failed you. If your  flying with a little boy named Shelton tell him we said hello. We used some of your money to give him mommy, and daddy some peace. We paid the balance of his services off. I hope they find peace in that, and you my dear Maggie are always in their heart. I promise to keep doing acts of kindness in your name called Maggie's Miracles. I love you more than you will ever know my sweet angel.