4 Months Flying

Its so hard to believe that I have a four month old. It has been a really emotionally rough week for me. I feel so torn with my life moving forward. Its hard not to have a pity party for myself. I have tried to stop asking why, and have been trying to say thank you for what I do have... easier said than done. I cried myself to sleep last night.. I would give just about anything to have her here with me. Time has made it a little easier to numb the pain, but sometimes it just sneaks up on you. I rub her foot prints in the heart shape plaster molds, touch her baby fine dark hair, and look at her picture to remind myself that she was here.. it was not some horrible nightmare ... it was a real journey sprinkled with Hope, Faith, and Grace.     So, Happy 4 months flying my sweet Maggie! xoxo

Belly Cast

The belly cast is done. It turned out beautiful! While I was getting the supplies to make it a very nice lady who was waiting in line next to me asked me what I was making with all the pink I had. With a big smile, and a little bit of tears I got to tell a complete stranger about Maggie. Then I got home , and started the process of decorating it. Again, I got to check something off my list that I never thought that I would be able to do because I lost her. I got to make a tutu for her. So, as I am making it the tears are just rolling down my face.. tears not only of joy,but sadness. I will never get to see her dance with it on, or get to take her to ballet practice,but it was made just for her. I will take what I can get.. I had more moments with her than some get, and I had a lot less memories than most get. If you have to re-read that then please do. There are many moms that do not get the time that I had, nor the answers, or closer, and to the moms out there that have been blessed with time make sure you hug your children extra tight.  I thought I would feel peace with it being done, and hanging on the wall... I don't... every time I look at it I want to sob. Maybe because it is a reminder that the nightmare was really real... she was here, and now she is gone.

I am saying out loud !

STILL is a documentary film project committed to breaking the silence about pregnancy and infant loss.

STILL will be a feature length documentary film which tells the stories of families from all walks of life who have suffered the loss of a baby during pregnancy or during infancy.

STILL is for those who grieve as well as those who want to reach out and understand.

STILL represents the silence of the babies who have died and the steadfast resilience of their surviving families.

 

Please go to http://stillproject.org to check out this AMAZING project.

 

I am saying it  out loud I have lost, and LOVED one of the greatest gifts GOD gave me. I am SURIVING one small step at a time. This does not make me any less, but a little more special!