I had a mental break down last night. I am in pain from my head to my toes. I am bound with bands from my chest to my thighs. My boobs are like hot, tender, rock solid, natural graphic mounds.I have not went #2 in days, and the gas pains are killing me. My arms, and legs ache , and I'm shaky ..... Let's not forget that I have been cut from almost hip bone to hip.. I am so sick , and tired of needing help up, or to make it to the bathroom, someone to still cook for me, someone to help clean... It has been like this since December, and I hate it.. all my pride as been tossed out the window. Not to mention the fact that the person doing almost all this caring for me is my husband. I can tell he is just as exhausted as I am, he is grieving for our sweet Maggie just as much as me, but now he has to take care of me like I am 3, plus a three year old who is transitioning being back home, and trying to understand the loss of a sibling. Now that I have gotten most of the complaining out .. I am thankful just to have all these aches , and pains because it means that I am still alive a privilege dined to many too soon. I did not feel like my recovery from Hayden's c section was this intense, but maybe it was because I spent so much time in the hospital, and I was more focused on getting him better. This all seems so cruel... I have to continue going through all this "normal" stuff even though I don't have my sweet Maggie here at home with me. I am glad, and at peace that she is not suffering.., but I miss her. At times I feel so robbed..........
This week is going to be hard.. I am still recovering , and we have to run lost of errands today to finish up her arrangements.... I just have to keep reminding my self that I have gotten 1/2 way done with this journey, and I CAN finish the last half..................
Liz, sorry to hear of all the physical discomfort you are experiencing. Especially on top of the emotional pain that comes with losing a baby. I am praying that you can just take one day at a time, and for God's grace to help you through each hour. I hope the arrangements for Maggie are going smoothly. I will continue to pray that God will give you the strength you need for each new day. Barb
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