Getting Maggie's stuff ready this morning.. it tough.. Like a freak I have tried to smell her cloths that she had on to see if she had a smell....I could not smell anything.. Then I sat and put all of her things in a little white box to take to the funeral home... that all she has is a little white box. Then I held her pink blanket that she was wrapped in. She lived, she was a miracle.. she defied every odd they set in front of us for her. She touched people, and will get to save 3 or 4 people. I can't help it sometimes I still feel robbed. What I would give to have 5 more minutes with her , just to hold her.. tell her how much I love her.
Hayden walked up to me just now, and asked me why I was crying.. I told him I was sad because Maggie was not in my belly, that she was with Jesus. He then gave me his woody doll to hold, and said our scary/ sad begone chant. ( Whenever he is sad/ scared we have Don say a chant.. ala cazam.. ala cazo monster/ sadness be gone from Hayden's room ) Well, Hayden changed the words to ala cazam ala cazo Maggie please be with Jesus mommy be happy ka BOOM. It was so sweet , and I am so thankful/blessed that I have him. Anyways I better wrap this up so we can get on to our day.
- Liz
- Welcome! My name is Elizabeth and I'm a home schooling' mama to one little Monkey. We are currently using My Father's World first grade and these are our adventures!
You are not crazy and you were robbed. I'm sorry her clothes didn't smell like her and am thankful that you had Woody to hold. You are still in my prayers
ReplyDeleteDear Liz, you are certainly NOT a freak to smell Maggie's clothes to try and find some scent of her. This is normal for bereaved moms such as you and me because we so badly want anything we can get our hands on to help remember our precious babies. I did the exact same thing after our baby passed away. I held her pink blanket for days afterward. Although this may sound odd to other people, if they have not lost an infant, they will not understand this, but it is ok. You should do whatever brings YOU comfort. And yes, you were robbed. The only silver lining in the dark clouds is that one day you will be with Maggie again forever in heaven. However, i realize that does not remove the acute pain of loss you are experiencing now. I pray that God will give you the grace and strength you need each hour of each day to get through this very difficult time. You will slowly begin to heal. Please don't hesitate to call me if you ever want to just talk to someone who has expererienced the pain of losing a newborn. I would be more than glad to visit with you. Barb 309-664-0770
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