Today, is not such a good day. I got up , and went to church.. babies everywhere!! It took me everything to sit in my seat, and not get up , and run. Sometimes I think God is so cruel... then I have to remind myself that there is a purpose for everything, and now I have to sit back n be patient to see it unfold. After church we stopped to get a bit to eat. We seen some people that we new.. some did not come up , and talk to us ( I was very revealed) some did. The faces people give you with the I'm so sorry look... then the how are you feeling. Some times I want to be so honest , and say.. how does it look like I'm doing? I have not really ate anything in almost 2 weeks, my body aches from heat to toe, and let not forget it feels like someone ripped my heart out! Also, to make everyone think I am doing just great I woke up this morning took a shower , and put my war paint on ( Make up ) ... let's not forget that I did my hair so I would not scare anyone. Instead I smile, and say I am doing Ok.
I am so tired of physically hurting.. I am so tired of missing her, and holding feeling so it appears that I am Ok. I should be feeding my baby, snuggling her, arguing with my husband who's turn it is to change a dirty diaper, I should be brushing her hair, giving her kisses. I stead I am heart broken! I did nothing wrong.. I ate good, took my vitamins, went on walks .. then searched out the best doctors.. ate even better.. fought even harder, PRAYED with all of my being, and still in the end she is not here. Plus, even if we got crazy enough to try for another baby we have a 50% chance of this happening all over again. Why is trusting in God's plan so hard????
- Liz
- Welcome! My name is Elizabeth and I'm a home schooling' mama to one little Monkey. We are currently using My Father's World first grade and these are our adventures!
Not to ask too many personal questions, but I had a baby girl with the exact same condition and was told it was so random and uncommon that it was like being struck by lightning. That I would go on to have perfectly normal children (which I have thus far). Who told you that you have a 50% chance of this happening with another pregnancy? I just don't want you to feel discouraged to try for another baby someday due to being misinformed. p.s. you are a MUCH stronger woman than me, we chose not to carry her until delivery (hardest thing I have ever been through in my entire life) and I still think about her very often.
ReplyDeleteHello... first, and foremost let me tell you how truly STRONG of a women you are. Anyone that has walked in our shoes has got to be pretty much a bad a$$!! Do not have any regrets about how long you carried.. you made the best decision for you, and your family at the time. If you ever feel like talking, or just need a friend that has walked your road .. please e-mail me at Haydensmom1008@yahoo.com. In response to your question they have went back, and forth on her diagnosis of Multicystic, and Poly cystic. Her autopsy results can in as Multicystic. The 50% chance came in because of the Poly cystic. Our Son Hayden who is still here with us was also born with a heart defect. I think YOU are so strong because you went on to carry again, I don't I can do that. We have an appointment next week with a geneticist, but I am pretty sure I am cancelling the appointment, because I can't handle anymore bad news. Thank you for being brave enough to share some of your story.
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