AHHH!

Imagine if you new, that your child had only 9 days left to live. Imagine not being able to see their face, hold them, or do anything memorable with them,but you could feel them. That is the hell that I am living... I mentally can not do this any longer,but I physically have no choice. I am a train wreak.
I am so tired of people viewing my situation like I am having a growth or something not so important removed from being a pain in my "ass" out of my body. I am having surgery to remove a very sick/ alive baby out of me. A LIVING person whom I LOVE, and have gotten very attached to... and that I don;t want to see my life without. I am angry, hurt, sad, vulnerable ... people that should be here for me are more worried about what is on their agenda. With that being said I do appreciate the help that I have been given, but at the same time I am so frustrated that I have to rely on my 75 year old grandparents , or friends that have their own stuff going on. I feel like a burden.
I have a 3 year old who I am not proud to admit has sprouted devil horns, and has the world worst behavior... I can not even take him to the park to enjoy time with him. I don't have a lot of friends, so he does not have a lot of friends.. I feel terrible about that. All we do is sit in the house , and watch tv or play his game thing. I guess if I was him I would be pissed , and act like a fool too. Well, not that I have ruined my stay positive goal.. I think I better dry the tears, and pull up my big girl panties..because no matter how much I bitch it is what it is....