Walking to honor Maggie

We are walking for the March Of Dimes on May 5 2013 in honor of Maggie!! We are asking everyone to donate in honor of her first birthday. To donate please go to :http://www.marchforbabies.org/personal_page.asp?pp&ct=4&w=6078085&u=MaggieFaithHopeAnderson&bt=15  . If you would like talk walk with us please let me know :) Thank you all so much! 

Dr. Mehta

                                                        Dr. Mehta with Maggie 4-19-12 
The world lost an amazing man. Dr. Mehta will always hold a special place in my heart. He delivered both of my children. He saved my life, and my son's during my first c section. He became my friend when I was pregnant with Maggie. He told me like it was and pushed me to get back on my feet. When I was laying in a hospital bed crying my eyes out, and refusing to move he came in , and cranked the c-section binder, and told me to get up. I continued to blubber, and told him that I could not. He raised the bed , and said, " Kid, you got a lot of life left in you, get up and FIGHT for what you have left! " Many visits during my pregnancy with Maggie we had talks about life, and he shared a lot of what he was going through.  You will be missed DR!!

Life after Maggie!

I was out and about in town today, and  I was checking out all the different salons to see where I am interested in doing an internship at. At one of the local salons some one asked me if I was the lady that wrote the "blog". I had to stop and think , and she explained her self some more.... Oh, YES!! I am the lady with the blog!! LOL I have come such a long way in this last year. I think some times I forget to post all the positive things that have happened to me since loosing Maggie.

                         The next stop I made today was to the OB DR. She asked how I had been, and what had been going on... then I told her about me being the "blog" lady around town. She laughed , and said isn't it great to be a role model or a mentor to people... I was a little shocked.. ME!! A mentor/ role model ??? NO WAY...  The hole time I have been going through my Journey with/ with out Maggie I have felt very private even though I get on here , and vent. So, it opened my eyes today to see that my precious little Maggie could  make such an impact on so many lives :) Thank you for reading!!

  My life continues to go on, and no I am not EEYORE with a giant cloud over my head! I live , laugh, love, and enjoy life !!!  I am not a victim, I am a survivor! Here is some pic of great times!! I will have to keep you guys posted on all the amazing things that keep coming my way! PS Come in and see me at PAUL MITCHELL THE SCHOOL to get your hair done, and catch up with me .CALL 815 932 5049 to make an appointment !!

Life is to short not to chase your dreams

The past year of my life has been a journey. A journey that has turned my life upside down, and turned me inside out. It has made me question every deep seeded belief that I have ever had. At 19 weeks pregnant I found out that I was pregnant with a baby girl, but the pregnancy was fatal. Maggie had a rare disease called Multicystic Dysplastic kidney disease or Potters Syndrome. I had the choice to terminate the pregnancy or keep going, and I choose to carry her as long as I could. She was born April 19, 2012. She was 6lbs 10 oz , and looked perfect in every way from the outside. She lived for an hour and half, and died peacefully in my arms. I was consumed by grief after this tragic event, I had no idea what to do or how to move forward in my life. So, after two months of wallowing, and feeling sorry for myself  I started "operation get a life" .

 Operation get a life consisted of two things .. number one get a job, and number 2 make some new friends. Getting a job proved to be harder than what I thought it was going to be.. every ad that I came across, or every interview that I went to my heart was just not in it. Then the light bulb came on!!! After everything that I had been through  I had been given the gift of the "reset" button. I had seen first hand how short life can really be.... I was thinking of a million things that I would never get to do with my daughter, but  it was not to late for me, I could still do a million things on my bucket list all I had to do was DO them.

So, one of the things that I had always wanted to do was HAIR. I had looked into school at least three other times since I was in High School. Something in life was always "just not right". The "just not rights" were people talking me out of it, money being tight, my own fear, having a young child to look after, only have one vehicle . the list went on , and on. Well, operation get a life put a bug up my butt you might say. It was time, and nothing was going to stop me. I went to Paul Mitchell the School's web site, and found the link to the financial aide web site. That night I filled out my own FASFA, and sent my Application into the school. Nothing was stopping me now. 

I am happy to say that  now I only have about four months of school left. I was the best decision that I have ever made. I am not saying that it has been easy, because it has not been.  I have found my number 2 in operation get a life, but I call them much more than friends , they have become my new family.. my light at the begging of a new journey.  I am so blessed to have the opportunity to go to Pmts Bradley. If you would of asked me a year ago what I would be doing today.... I would of said just trying to make it out of bed. Rainbows come when you need them the most. So, thank you to all my new friends/ family at PMTS for helping me when I needed it the most.

Life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% of how you respond to it. So, why wait another day to chase whatever dream you have??? Life is short, and growing older is a privilege denied to many. 

Thank you for your time - Liz 

If you would like to read my blog about my journey with Maggie please go to www.http://maggiefaithandersonjourney.blogspot.com

Enjoying a moment in life.

I don't know how to start this post so I guess I will just start rambling.... I feel like I have been going through a cycle where I forget that I am a  mom to an angel baby. I am not upset about it , more a feeling of shock. There are some days that I do not think about her at all. Then there are other moments like to day ... We were talking a walk, and I was thinking about how beautiful of a morning it was. Hayden riding his bike, and Don and I walking hand in hand while Alive (our dog)  is pulling us to keep up with Hayden. The sun was shinning and the birds were cheeping. I just said a prayer to thank God for this beautiful moment, and letting us have peace because of all that we had been through. I did have a quick moment where I wished that I was pushing a stroller with Maggie in it, but the thought passes as quickly as it came. There were no tears of sadness tied to it. Then I came home and found an ad for pregnancy loss jewelry . I clicked on the link just to see what they had to offer,but had no need to shop on the site. Also, I have not been out to her grave since before Christmas. I kept telling Don that we need to get out there to remove the decorations, but in all honestly there is not a NEED to live out there any longer. So, these feelings comes with mixed emotions.. is this just another "cycle" in the grief phase or am I finally learning to how to manage life with out her here?? Writing out that sentence just made me tear up a little. Tears because she is gone, maybe tears of guilt/fear because I am letting go a little more, and tears of joy because I am able to start leading my not grief. 

P.s. I want this shirt BAD!! Sums up how Maggie (butterflies) taught me life is to short not to chase your dreams!! 

Hits you like a ton

Here it comes again hitting me like boulder, and knocking the wind out of me. Of course I cry , hold my breath because it hurts to breath, but no need to fear I'll be picking myself right back up , and moving forward again. Its hard not to feel like I was robbed, that something is missing, or a complete failure  I have failed at a lot of things in life, but I believe this is the worst thing to fail at... loosing a child. People look at me, and judge me with out really knowing me. If you really knew.... I have no confidence left .... I feel like I am not good at anything. You think I am a bitch, well to be honest I just really have no will to "fake it" anymore. Life is short , so if you want sugar coated gum drops .. I am not your gal.. if that makes me a bitch than so be it. Everyone has trials that they must live with, but again I dare someone to walk a block in my shoes. Really feel the emotions that go along with this process. AGH! I should not have started this journey with school. I am overwhelmed, judged, and sick and tired of feelings that go along with all of it. I want so bad to throw my  hands up in the air, and cry in a corner, and just not move on. All these feelings are overwhelming, and NO I am not ready to medicate myself to feel numb, or to "cope" . I want to be kissing a sleeping baby with jet black thick curly hair. Dressing a little girl up , watching her grow, learning  pull her self up, but that is not the way the cookie crumbled. Then I get angry because I am so scared to even try again for another child for fear that I could re live this all over again. Well, time to suck the tears up, and get back to studying for this skin test at school.. wipe the mud of my face, and keep going.

:(

I was doing so well, and thought the Christmas season would pass by without me going into a major funk. Well, I thought wrong! The past couple of days all I have done is cry. I think the shooting of all those little angels triggered it. Every time I think of what those families are going through I relive having to bury Maggie. Ugh! I feel so lonely.. late afternoons/ nights are terrible. :(