I don't know how to start this post so I guess I will just start rambling.... I feel like I have been going through a cycle where I forget that I am a mom to an angel baby. I am not upset about it , more a feeling of shock. There are some days that I do not think about her at all. Then there are other moments like to day ... We were talking a walk, and I was thinking about how beautiful of a morning it was. Hayden riding his bike, and Don and I walking hand in hand while Alive (our dog) is pulling us to keep up with Hayden. The sun was shinning and the birds were cheeping. I just said a prayer to thank God for this beautiful moment, and letting us have peace because of all that we had been through. I did have a quick moment where I wished that I was pushing a stroller with Maggie in it, but the thought passes as quickly as it came. There were no tears of sadness tied to it. Then I came home and found an ad for pregnancy loss jewelry . I clicked on the link just to see what they had to offer,but had no need to shop on the site. Also, I have not been out to her grave since before Christmas. I kept telling Don that we need to get out there to remove the decorations, but in all honestly there is not a NEED to live out there any longer. So, these feelings comes with mixed emotions.. is this just another "cycle" in the grief phase or am I finally learning to how to manage life with out her here?? Writing out that sentence just made me tear up a little. Tears because she is gone, maybe tears of guilt/fear because I am letting go a little more, and tears of joy because I am able to start leading my not grief.
P.s. I want this shirt BAD!! Sums up how Maggie (butterflies) taught me life is to short not to chase your dreams!!
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