Update on Maggie and a lot of ranting.

January 20, 2012:
Ultra sound went good yesterday. Maggie's heart beat was 159 , amniotic fluid is still the same ( NONE), and she is still growing. I am going to cancel my doctor appointment on Monday with the high risk OB in Orland. It is finally starting to set in that no one will be able to help us. Plus, when I hear ," I am so sorry Mrs. Anderson there is nothing we can do." I will be devastated all over again , and my heart can only handle so much right now. 


Today has been a rough day. Bills keep coming in the mail that I have no clue how we are going to pay. Not to mention we are having to rob Peter to pay Paul as it is ( so we thought).  The "Peter" bill was on auto deduct, and since the bill was more that it should of been ( error on there part and I already called to get this fixed ) it took out every last cent we had in our checking account. I went to Kroger to try to return a gift card given to us for Christmas, but they will not return prepaid cards ( great). I scrapped together $15 to put into our checking so I hope we do not have anymore surprise to make us bounce.
Next, we went to go grocery shopping at ALDI  with a Visa gift card we got in the mail from ATT ( we have been hoarding the $50 card since November and it was suppose to go to our license plates ( so much for that) ) The card did not work at ALDI ... I also had a major break down in line and started sobbing. NEW BORN BABY in the cart right in front of us. I was fine at first and then my mind started turning. The baby was so sweet and I just wanted to pick him up and love on him. Then the realization hit were no matter what I will not be able to have that with my baby. So then I am just sobbing because not only am I embarrassed about the card not working, but about the new born baby I just want and will not be able to get. Then we tired to go to an ATM to pull the money off the card to go pay for the food and that would not work. So, off to Walmart we went, we got basically nothing for $45 and I price matched. ( I know I should be thankful we got that at this point)



I know life is a struggle, but seriously I HAVE HAD MY SHARE! I have no choice , but to continue .. I really just want to curl up in the fetal position and just wait till the storm passes. I can't work, and I can't fix my baby I feel so helpless. It is only going to get worse those bills that we are not able to pay this month , plus the crazy extra plates, drivers licenses, bank fee's for our house, medical bills... It all just keeps coming and I need it to stop before my head explodes. Plus, I am starting to get jealous of other peoples lives with healthy babies, can afford to stay home and get their hair done, nails done, kids enrolled in great activities , nice clothing. GRRR! I am going to stop now because my thoughts are negative and you all have herd enough of my crazy ranting..