Last night was a little rough again... I ended up crying myself to sleep holding her pink blanket that held her while she was here on earth. By the time I feel asleep I just felt numb.. totally numb. My arms just feel so empty all the time... I want to be able to smell, hold, and love my sweet baby.
We ended up going out to the cemetery , and eating lunch with Maggie today. It was nice to be able to sit out there , and soak up the sun with her. Hayden was so cute.. I don't think he fully understands everything.. He left some chips on her grave for her. We all blew her a kiss, but he was very upset that he could not hug her. I have only had one other experience in my life where I have felt like my heart has physically broke. It took years for it feel some what mended back together. This is now the second time I have felt like this.... it hurts more than I remember ( it hurts to breathe) , but this time I don't think it will ever stop hurting... I think I will always have a dull ache..
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