December19, 2011: 
6 AM :Please pray for me.... I am scared! I just wanna get this over with and come home to my baby boy that I love and need to finish raising.
7 AM: Just received a call from DR. Y ... she called to make sure that everything was a go for this morning.. IT IS NOT. Hospital R is now saying  the situation needs to be ethically reviewed, and the only lady that is on the board is on vacation. The person they left in charge will not make the decision either way because he feels that he is not qualified to make it. Dr.Y is pushing for him to make the decision because he was left in charge. I am besides my self. This is crazy talk about making a person feel horrible because they choose to terminate. I am about ready to sue for pain and suffering.
8 AM: At Hospital R for an ultra sound to make sure if the baby still has a heart beat, and she does. We are going back home to wait for the decision. 

4PM: Hospital R is refusing to do the procedure. They are giving the same reasons why they will not do it that the Catholic hospital did. Dr. Y suggests that we call the University hospital up north to see if they will do the procedure.  I am not comfortable going up north, I have had a c-section and I could hemorrhage because of this and I am NOT being 2 hours away from my son if I need to say goodbye. I am going to call them anyways to see what they have to say. 
4:30 PM: I just got off the phone with the termination specialist. She stated that we have 3 choices and all the risks for my health would be the same with them all.. 1. We could do a D&E. She described the procedure and it is horrible. They wrench open your cervix and vacuum the baby out. If the baby does not come out in one piece they have to surgically cut the baby. My response to this was that my baby was still alive and I thought that was beyond cruel. She them let me know that we could come in the day before where they would stick a needle threw my belly and into the baby to stop the heart. ( OPTION OUT) 2. They could induce labor. 3. Wait till the baby suffocated by clamping its own cord or I went into labor. 
After speaking with her I did not feel comfortable with her. I was just another medical file placed on her desk. I felt like she had detached her self from feeling and she was ultimately a death dealer. I let her know that we would not be terminating. 
We have decided to let nature run its course and not go up north for a D&E or induction. If I get to "full term" we will do a C section. I just want to tell everyone THANK YOU for helping us or praying for us this week.
8PM: After a long process of thinking that we are in control I just could not ignore the road blocks that God kept putting up. I am throwing my hands up he has a plan and I jut need to sit back and role with the punches. I am at peace that ultimately the baby can not survive. I know that if we do the procedure today, tomorrow, or wait for the c section it still will be a hard process. Life is very short and we never know if we will get 1 day or the next 30 years. I plan on enjoying my family and living life to the fullest with my blessing of a baby boy. ( As I am typing now he is hiding in the curtain digging into a treat bag trying to be sneaky ,like I have no clue what is going on).This was all meant to happen for a reason. I will survive this life changing event and hopefully move on , but never forget or be the same.