The day my heart got crushed

December 14, 2011 :  On the way up to Hinesdale hospital I was contracting very hard and about 2 minutes apart. Once we got to the hospital I could not walk and Don had to push me into the specialist office. Once inside it seemed like forever till we got back for our level 2 ultra sound. The tech scanned me first for about a good 30 minutes. The whole time I just stared at the screen wondering how such a precious life could be hanging by threads. Once she was done with the scan the doctor came in and scanned me himself for a good 30 mintues ( the whole time make hmm and mmmm noises). Once he was done he explaned that from what he could see the baby only had one kidney that was full of cysts, possible no bladder, or stomach, and the second most common pediatric heart defect ( by the way our son was born with the most common). The only thing that came to my mind was would drinking cranberry juice help ( I knew the answer to my question, but just needed some comedic relief at the moment). He gently put his hand on my knee , chuckled... and said, " no my dear cranberry juice will not help out in this situation." He went on to say that the pregnancy was lethal and that we should terminate. All of my worst fears had been confirmed. We thanked him and he left the room. I made it all the way back to the check out window with out sobbing. The nurse asked if we would like to speak to someone that was good at talking about this. I said no and ran like a fool all the way back to the car. Once in the car I sobbed till I could not see and the snot just running down my face. My husband gave me a bear hug and said that one day we would be OK. On the way home I called our family to give them the news then called our priest. On the phone with the priest I wanted to make sure that God would not hate me for terminating the child that we gave us. He assured me that God could not hate me, and with all the problems that the baby had it was the most human thing to do if the baby would not live. The next phone call I made was to DR.Y to schedule the termination appointment. We were told to come in that afternoon at 1:30 to talk about everything with her.
1:30 in the afternoon:  Dr.Y explained that this would not be an easy procedure. I could not take a pill to abort the baby.. I would have to be induced into labor and deliver a live baby. Our first hurdle would be to have our local catholic hospital agree to let the procedure be done there. She would call and have it ethically reviewed and get back to us with an answer.