Hey guys! I had an appointment today and got to see Maggie. She is doing great! No fluid changes, but she is still growing, and heart beat was great! She moved her legs today!! All I could do was cry. God is great! NONE of her limbs are fused right now!! I also did some research today on donating my breast milk, and will be doing so as long as blood work comes back fine. Please continue to pray for us. Tomarrow we are going to the funeral home to make final arrangments for Maggie. Again, I know God can still work a miracle for us, but what if  Maggie is someone elses miracle? So, if the arrangments are not needed praise the LORD, but if they are then my only job will be to heal.

I need you guys to say another prayer another mother going threw the same thing that I am. She is a little further along with a boy, but he has the same disease as Maggie. Please pray for a miracle, peace, and grace for the family.

I will blog again tomorrow about the final arrangement. THANK YOU all for reading this, and being apart of Maggie's Journey. :)

                                             intransitive verb. 1. : to cherish a desire with anticipation

Maggie head with eyes open ,nose, and daddy's cheek 

I had another ultra sound appointment this morning. It went great Maggie is measuring 24 weeks and that is what we are. Her Heart beat was 158 , and she decided to really put on a show for us. We are pretty sure that we seen girl parts! Still, hard to tell because of the fluid level being none. She did give us a great profile shot with eyes open. She has her daddy's cheeks , she is going to have big beautiful eyes. It might be awhile before I post again so don't get nervous that anything bad is happening , I just want to spend some quiet down time this weekend. I have another Pregnancy center appointment on Tues, we go to the funeral home on Wed, and a counseling appointment on Mon. I just want to thank the Pregnancy Resource center in Kankakee. You give me memories, moments with my Maggie, and friendship. I would be lost with out you guys right now. I would also like to say thank you to our Church for all the support that they have given. THANK YOU

Crazy making arrangments with a hiccuping baby.

Whew! A lot has happened today... Let me first start off with the good news. I went to the doctor this morning, and my blood pressure was 109/79 ( do the happy dance (_]_) ... (_/_). ..(_\_).. )  Maggie is still here with us today, and her heart rate was great 159 ! The doctor did answer some important questions for me today. 1) Are there lungs showing up on the ultra sounds, and if so can we put the baby on a ventilator? Answer: There are no lungs and with out lungs or lung tissue it would be pointless to vent. 2) Does the baby have any organs that we can donate for organ transplants? Answer: Yes, right now that baby does have organs that we can donate to save other babies, but we would talk more about this the closer to delivery date. My next appointment is in a couple of weeks for another check in.


Maggie is still here with us, but we have started to make funeral and cemetery arrangements. With that being said let me start telling you about the bad part of my day.  I was at Memorial gardens right after my OB appointment. I said a prayer on the way there asking God to give me the strength , peace, and grace to make it threw the meeting. Once, I was there is was surprisingly calm and ready to make decisions. My husband and my in-laws met me there. Once, in the meeting I was told to look threw a book of headstones to pick out which one we wanted. I let the lady know that we would look , but there was other things I wanted to talk about first. My father in law started asking questions about his heads stones and where the babies would be placed. I was fine with all of this. The the director told us all the spot where the baby would be placed and that it would be $500 to open and close the grave, plus another $1300 for the head stone. I got really upset !! I said I thought that we were here to discuss where the baby would be placed. She then preceded to say that that was already discussed with my mother in law. Then I hit the roof . I started yelling what the F*ck was I here for if decisions had already been made. Then I broke down started crying , and grabbed my things and left. I was so hurt... I do not have a lot of things that are in my control right now , and the ones that I do have I would like to make decisions for even if they are as small as right, left, top , bottom. I felt like a fool. Here I call this lady make an appointment for the meeting, and behind my back decisions were already made. That as a terrible feeling. I think my mother in law thought that she was helping, but it hurt to have important decisions taken away from not only me, but my husband. I went to my grandmothers house to cool off , give my Hayden a great big bear hug, and speak to my husband about why I stormed out on him when he needed me just as much as I needed him.




After we talked , we decided that we could not use  Memorial Gardens for two reasons 1) Cost .. almost 1,800 was WAY out of our budget even on a payment plan  2) We would never truly feel like we had been the ones to make the decisions about laying our sweet Maggie to rest.  So, we called Mound Grove , and All Saints. We ended up going with All Saints they have a special piece of land set aside called " Baby land". Only babies can buried on this land, and they have special packages to help keep the cost low for families. When we got to the cemetery we went out, and found the plots on the land that were available. We ended up picking a beautiful spot to the right of the monument dedicating the area. Maggie started to hiccup and move so she must have liked the spot as well.  I lost it when I seen the graves with match box cars just resting on top. Not to mention that I was just at the doctors to hear the drumming of a heart beating so perfectly. Next, we went back in to sign paper work , discuss pricing , and what all came in the package. When everything was said and done the total package was $700. We needed 10 % and set up a payment plan. With things being so tough... this financial is going to be a big stretch for us , but a lot easier to digest than 1,800.


We have an appointment next week to finalize arrangements with the funeral home. Now that the day is done... I am at peace with knowing that WE ( my husband and I ) made decisions that we are happy with. When the baby passes our only job will be to grieve and no one will be responsible for decisions making.

Hey, guys! I just wanted to stop by and let everyone know that Maggie is still here with us! I did a lot to much today and my belly is very sore, but she is still hiccuping. I have an OB  appointment tomorrow, and will update after I come home. Please be patient tomorrow, we also have to go pick out the spot at the cemetery where we will be laying Maggie to rest. I have replayed this scene  several times in my mind since calling to make the appointment ... I am hoping to be on auto pilot tomorrow , because tomorrow is not the day that I get to completely come apart. I am trying to look at it, if though, I am going to pick out our earthy meeting place where I get to talk to her and keep her updated on life. Just say an extra prayer for me that I have peace and strength to get my threw the day.

Last night was Hayden's first night of soccer! HE LOVED IT. THANK YOU AUNT NEMO FOR THE GREAT CHRISTMAS GIFT! He woke up this morning asking to practice. ( This could be another reason why I am so sore, I was out on the field with him last night bending, walking, and helping him with the ball)

We painted golf balls this morning.. As you can see he had a blast!! Being a homeschooling mom is one thing I am going to miss terribly.. once this is over with Maggie I am going to have to go back to work to pay off medical bills , and house hold payments that we have gotten behind on. So, I am enjoying every minute of it now :)

We went to church this morning. I don't know why it is so hard for me once we get there. We were singing today, and I just start sobbing. Maybe, it is because all of the songs praise him for the great things/miracles he performs, and then I get so angry because any day now he could make the other kidney start to work. I am not doubting him or testing him. I KNOW he can, but I do not understand why he chooses not to. Also, the amazing people from the pregnancy resource center were there today to give the church an update on the works that they do. I just started sobbing all over again. They showed a video of a journey threw pregnancy with scripture quotes. One just punched me in the gut... All your days have been ordained from beginning to end, and you are wonderfully made with a purpose. I want to know her purpose is, and I want her ending not to be in my life time. No one should ever have to endure the pain of loosing a child , and have to place them to rest . It should be the other way around. I AM SO ANGRY AND HURT! I have no choice , but to keep praising him because of the wonderful life and people that he has lent to me. I would be lost with out my family, ,my son, and husband. THANK YOU to everyone that has kept us in your prayers and is spreading the word with Maggie's button. Maggie is still here today with lots of hiccups :)

I need you all to say a special prayer for my best friend. Her grandmother is in her final hours of her fight with kidney failure. Please pray for her and her family.. Peace, strength, and grace.

Just doing some more research on the top states with Mcdk and look at this...

IL and IN ... Makes you wonder if it is not something in water, meat, or soil....

January 21, 2012:

I just want to apologize to everyone for the negative rant yesterday. There is really nothing to justify me going on like that. Seeing that baby took my day from bad to horrible. I am blessed in so many ways that I should be praising God for all the good things instead of the couple of bad things.

Maggie is still here with us today. She keeps having hiccups and moving all a round. I took the time to make up a button image. If you all could change your profile picture or post to your wall we would greatly appreciate it. I want people to be aware of Maggie's life while she is here on earth and the disease she is fighting. Keep those prayers coming we need all the help we can get right now. Again, thank you for reading and being apart of Maggie's journey.